Bird on a mountain

Wild story

2005-01-19T17:19:00.000+02:00

I was just speaking to my mother who was entertained this morning bya man who was interviewed on one of the morning shows. His story is that he shot a nail through his head with a nail gun and didn't know it. For a week. Crazy huh?

Nail gun injury more than a 'headache'
By Bill Scanlon, Rocky Mountain News
January 18, 2005

When a nail gun recoiled and crashed against his upper lip, it felt like a baseball bat slammed against his skull and brain, Patrick Lawler said Tuesday.

Actually, it was much worse than that.
Unbeknownst to Lawler, a 3 1/2-inch nail had entered his lip, driven through bone and flesh and lodged in his brain, missing his eye by millimeters.

"I had a bad headache," said Lawler, 23, of Breckenridge, at Littleton Adventist Hospital, as he described the six days he walked around unaware he had a nail in his head.

"He's a miracle baby," Lawler's wife, Katerina, 27, said of her husband.

It was Katerina who finally insisted that Patrick get an X-ray of his teeth at the dentist office where she works.

"We could see the top of the nail but we didn't know where it ended," Katerina said.

Lawler went to an oral surgeon, then to Littleton Adventist, where a CT scan and X-rays showed the entire nail in striking clarity, ramrod straight inside his head.

Dr. Sean Markey, a neurosurgeon, and Dr. Seth Reiner, an ear, nose and throat surgeon, led a large team of specialists and nurses in surgery to extract the nail on Thursday.

Lawler now sports an incision scar across the top of his head from ear to ear, necessary so doctors could peel back the flesh, drill a hole and gain access to the nail.

The nail slipped out easily after a bit of loosening, said Dr. Reiner.

The fear, said Dr. Markey, was that blood would gush once the nail was removed. But the blood flow from the from the frontal lobe of the brain was minimal and easily controlled.

The fact that the nail lodged mostly into "dead" pockets of the brain was luck, Markey said. Lawler's tolerance of the pain was his own toughness.

He's not so tough, though, that he's going back to construction work, Lawler said.

"I'm going to make pizzas," Lawler said.

That will be fine in a couple weeks, Markey said. But Lawler can't snowboard the rest of the season — his wound needs time to heal without a lot of shaking.

Lawler was installing interior walls at a new home in the Valley of the Sun subdivision in Breckenridge, when his nail gun recoiled, struck him in the mouth and launched the nail straight toward the top of his head.

"It felt like being hit by a bat or a hard piece of steel smashing your head," Lawler said. He thought it was just the force of the recoil that caused the contusion and the cut lip, because there was no sign of a nail.

He suffered blurry, double vision.

The procedure, including a stay in intensive-care probably generated a bill between $50,000 and $100,000, Markey said.

Lawler has no insurance, and he wasn't covered by worker's compensation, because he was a self-employed contractor.

"I didn't have the money for insurance, and I didn't really think I'd shoot myself with a nail."

He and his wife are seeking donations through the Patrick Lawler Fund.

"It's a problem that plagues our country," Markey said of the millions of people without health insurance. "People with high-risk jobs can't afford the cost of health care."

Lawler should recover completely and his dry sense of humor should return in a couple weeks, Markey said.

Lawler said the experience changed him. "It makes you slow down," he said. "Construction is a good job, but pretty scary."

This is the fourth nail gun accident Markey has dealt with in his career as a neurosurgeon. He said Lawler might have gotten lucky with his choice of a 16-penny nail. The big head on the nail might have stopped it from penetrating deeper into his brain.

"If you're going to be shot by a nail gun, I guess it should be 16-penny," Markey said.

from:

Not a good day

2005-01-19T15:59:00.000+02:00

Today is a sad day. Not a good day for parents who are deciding whether or not to send their "at risk" kids off to Israel. First the drug overdose at Neve now the 4 boys arrested for dealing. I just hope some good comes out of it. I hope and pray that the girls and guys here that treat drugs and dealing so lightly will take it more seriously and be careful. You are too precious! Be careful. :(

Ziploc bags in Israel!

2005-01-18T19:06:00.000+02:00

Wow. One more thing that we now have that I thought we never would. Maybe they've been around for awhile, I don't know. But I just saw them in the supermarket in our small town. An Israeli brand, and they are called petach sagur or something like that. YAY! One less thing that has to be brought from the states. Now I can stop hoarding the last box I have in my cabinet. I remember back when we had no potato chips. And now we have potato chips in a choice of flavors. I love those jalapeno ones! On the topic of snack foods those new cheetos falafel flavor are rather.... interesting. The thought is repulsive, the first time they were addictive. Now they are on the same level as Bamba for me- I'll eat it if I'm hungry and occasionally I get an unexplainable craving for it, but not my favorite snack. Cheese cheetos on the other hand, mmmmmm. Still waiting for those or any cheese type snack to be mehadrin. I remember when I was in the states for awhile and came back to discover that Solero (vanilla ice cream bar on a stick covered in tropical fruit (mango, etc) sorbet- the closest thing I've had to an orange creamsicle, but better.) was mehadrin.
Well, that was a lot of blabbering about snack food.
I guess I have nothing much else to say right now.
Its cold and raining. And its Tuesday, again.
Kol Tuv

Small Town Saturday Night

2005-01-09T16:14:00.000+02:00

For all of the country music fans out there, you know the song by Hal Ketchum. Well, that's my life. Well, not really mine, because, well I'm old and married. But for the teenagers that live here its like that and when people hear where I live, especially those that live in Jerusalem or other larger cities the first thing they say is "What do you DO there?". Well, we have lots of guests, take care of our kids. And I get Chinese medicine treatment. I have something in common with Gwyneth Paltrow. I got cupped! Cupping is known as bahnkes in Yiddish. I am not sure how it is supposed to work, but I do know it is supposed to pull bad stuff out through your skin with the suction. I don't know what's weirder, that or moxibustion. But I think the burning plants on your toes. Because usually burning one's self is considered to show some amount of mental instability.
Its Sunday again, start the week all over again. I have to boil my herbs. And make dinner (must not mix up the two pots).
Shavua Tov

Should have taken the flu shot?

2004-12-09T02:09:00.000+02:00

Not that I've been to the doctor recently as it is, not that anyone offered it to me.
My head is killing! It's all fuzzy. My throat hurts, my body aches. I just want to sleep, and tomorrow I have to take care of shabbos. It is shabbos chanukah so it is always busy around here. My head is not even working well enough to count how many guests we are having.
Baruch Hashem, what can I do?
Tomorrow I will have to make a menu stagger to the store, shop , cook. I so wanted to bake challah but that might be out as well.
Oh, plus I have A big blister on my toe from the fiery herb fuzz that was set aflame there the other day (yes, we did it again). I think now I will make myself some tea and curl up with the latest Reader's digest I bought myself for chanukah.

Ushpizin

2004-12-05T04:19:00.000+02:00

I went to see the Ushpizin movie tonight. It is an Israeli film produced by a secular film company. It was written and directed (I believe) by chozrei b'teshuva who were actors in their "previous life". A lot of the actors are from the breslov kehilla of various places. It is the story of a chozer b'teshuva couple who have a sukkos packed with nisyonos and tikkunim. It was a much better film than I imagined it was going to be. The acting was good. The plot was intriguing and included drama and comedy. It was like a classic old chassidishe story but with a modern twist- and on the big screen! To be honest I cried through much of the film. Much of the story just hit really close to home.
I hear in Jerusalem there are showings with English subtitles.

Shavua tov!

Yunnan Paiyao does NOT taste good

2004-11-23T19:42:00.000+02:00

I just got home from my accupuncturist. He told me to dissolve this foul smelling powder in warm water and drink it 8 times in the next 48 hours. And guess what? It tastes just as foul as it smells. I wonder if there are people out there who like the taste? Chinese medicine has some pretty strange remedies. Part of my treatment this evening was burning mugwort which I just learned, from that link is also called moxibustion. The doctor put little rolls of mugwort on my toes and set in on fire. I was told to tell him when it started to become painful so he could knock it off. That was after he stuck needles in me. What fun!
Seriously, it wasn't so bad. Do I believe in it? Well, it's worked before so I hope it works now. We will see. I just hope we see soon, because this kind of treatment is pretty dang expensive especially when contrasted with almost free kupat cholim treatment.

Lactivism Revisited

2004-11-01T16:24:00.000+02:00

I had the same thought as Cookie while the remedia scandal was in the news. Israel is sorely lacking in the area of nursing support. Bottles of formula are way too common a sight around here. Tipat chalav (well baby clinic, where shots are given pregnant women go for checkups, etc) nurses are way behind the times in terms of the importance of breastmilk and breastfeeding. Their advice on solids is also off the mark- early introduction of solids is pushed and a mother who says she is waiting on principle is belittled. A friend who was recently in the local tipat chalav office heard the new nurse- this one younger than average, the old one is retiring (I thought younger would mean more modern training, guess not) tell a new mother to add corn starch to the baby's bottle to help her sleep longer stretches. The age of the baby? 2 months! So, yes we have a problem here in Israel in this area.
I agree with Cookie that both the reality of life on the kibbutz at the beginning of the state as well as the askenazi elitist mentality are things that led to today's situation. I think, that to counteract this we need to make it normal to breastfeed, older children- both boys and girls should know that that is the way it should be done. When in the torah it talks about Sarah and the miracle of her being able to nurse her baby, we should make sure they hear that part. This could be a matter of life and death.
Cookie also says that in the states breastfeeding is supported. I do not live in the states now but I have lived there. I also read American websites and magazines. I think in the states, in an effort to be "PC" the message that breastfeeding is superior to formula feeding and that the decision to formula feed is not as simple as the convenience or choice of the mother is routinely quieted. Saying that makes FFing mothers feel bad. Formula is a wonderful invention like dialysis and antibiotics - for the right situation, not for whenever someone feels like it.
The experience of women outside of the frum community and in more rural places of the U.S. contradicts Cookie's informal study. I have heard stories of women in the states similar to those expect to hear about Israel. That the nurses in the hospital pushed bottles and pacifiers, that they were told health problems they were having were because of their nursing. Lactivism is definitely needed in the states. In the frum community nursing is common and since each woman has more kids and there are generally more kids around the message is out there that babies breastfeed. When you are talking about secular society where it is common to have one or two kids and some women reach adulthood without ever caring for a baby (extremely rare in frum circles) the icon of a baby bottle for babies may be so ingrained and nursing such a foreign concept that when they finally do have a baby at thirty something it never occurs to them to breastfeed. Again back to the PC idea and the silenced message, I have read too many "breast vs. bottle" articles in mainstream parenting magazines. The very idea that they put the two possibilities on equal footing in the title undermines the message of the importance of breastfeeding. Simply put, in my communication with women and reading of women's experiences in America who tried to breastfeed but did not have the information and support they needed to continue or did not even think of breastfeeding I feel that there is a need in the U.S. for more information and support. That is Lactivism and I think it is important. :)

Added stuff

2004-11-01T01:06:00.000+02:00

So I added a link to the Renegade Rebbetzin blog in my side bar. I like her. Being in a similar position to her I can relate to her, so, there she is. I added some more jewish links, I hope to add even more, I just have to rember what they are when I find the time to add them. I also want to add some other links (yes, non Jewish) sometime soon.
My job is going well. Tomorrow the boys are going on a trip but I committed to cook for a family of seven that the mother is getting over pneumonia, so I will be busy cooking anyway. I don't get why I know so many people recently who have had or presently have pneumonia. When I was growing up I never knew anyone who had it, it was like a fairy tale disease that our mothers threatened us with if we didn't wear our scarves. Is it our abuse of antibiotics or what?

My new job and more

2004-10-29T11:39:00.000+02:00

I have a new job. This week I started cooking for a yeshiva. It is only a few portions for lunch. I prepare food for my family along with the yeshiva's food. The boys seem to like it, so that's good. I like the Israeli way of eating better, I think it is healthier- the big meal of the day is lunch. I prepare protein - usually chicken sometimes fish or ground meat (or ground meat product), starch and soup and/or salad. Dinner is a light meal like sandwiches, pancakes or eggs. When I was cooking for only my family I relied too much on prepared food (soy, fishsticks) and the main meal was dinner, neither of which is health. Now I am sure that my family is getting a healthy meal at the right time. May Hashem give me the koach to continue.

I already read part of this weeks Mishpacha. As I was reading the "Daughter of The King" article I realized I know the woman that it is about! I worked in her gan. I have often wondered how she is doing. It is so nice to know she is happy. It is so good to hear that she has adopted a child - whom she was able to nurse! And who she homeschools! As an educator she always had such passion for doing right by the kids and warmth and love just flowed through her every interaction with them. This is one of those times that I think I missed out on knowing someone better. I worked at the gan in a time in my life when I was very self absorbed and I think I could have learned alot from Chana... Maybe I will try to contact her. If anyone has any leads on Chana Ilyin (she has another first name that I knew her by but I don't like to publicize people's personal information without permission, it really bothers me when people do it to me!) please let me know.

I wonder how MOchassid did or is doing on his bike ride.

Have a gut shabbos everyone.

Sloppy Joes saved the day!

2004-10-19T13:37:00.000+02:00

We hosted a barbecue, but it was in some else's house. It was for a bunch of families, lots of kids and my husband went shopping. We fired up the grill, put on some wings and some hot dogs. Then we went to put on burgers. Uhoh. Husband bought "motzer basar tachun" which is ground beef mixed with soy protein. It does not make good burgers. We had 4 or 5 kilos of the stuff. We added eggs and breadcrumbs. It just melted into the grill. Not good. We were despairing that we would not have enough food. And then what would we do with 4-5 kilos of ground meat product? All of a sudden I had a great thought! Sloppy joes!. All I needed was a few things, and it was eaten up! Everyone thought it was really good. It was like a crazy adventure, I was rushing to finish and everyone who walked into the kitchen just stared. The people whose house we were at were really great. We were having a barbecue so understandably they expected everyone to be outside, and did not expect anyone cooking! But it turned out fine. The more Israelified (all the adults were English speakers/ Americans)and some of the kids did not know what sloppy joes were or how to eat them- but they learned, and liked it.

My recipe:
1 green pepper, cut small
1 or more onions, cut small
some garlic
fry the onions (garlic) and peppers. Put on the side
Brown the ground beef.
Add to the onions and peppers- tomato paste (resek agvaniyot, agvaniyot meruseket will work too but I like the consistency with paste better), some vinegar, black pepper, garlic powder if you didn't put in fresh garlic, some brown sugar and cook. Then add the meat.

I know, I am not too good at writing recipes, but that is how I make it. I serve it on regular (Berman's, the yummiest) sliced bread, and roll each piece in half to hold the sauce. If you have hamburger buns (you are lucky!) use those.

Enjoy

Biting the bullet

2004-10-12T17:50:00.000+02:00

I have planned posts, one specifically about my 2 day trip to Jerusalem- now two weeks ago, that one has actually been partly typed up as a word doc already, but between yom tov and all the chaos here (nothing new!) I can't seem to finish it. Or the one I wanted to write on a mishpacha article from yom kippur. So at least I am biting the bullet now and posting a totally empty post saying nothing just so I don't feel like I am letting this blog slip away.

Here is a link I like, in case you are bored, so this post is not completely useless:

Faq on Chassidim

Aliya l'regel- the holy city of Jerusalem

2004-10-03T20:59:00.000+02:00

I went to Yerushalayim on a two day trip last sunday. I got off the bus at the tachana mercazit. The "new" tachana. As opposed to the old one or the old new one - the temporay central bus station that was in use for two years or so while they were building the new one in the place of the old one. First of all, after having lived in and around Jerusalem for a few years it is so strange how now, after not living there for awhile instead of it being home it is a big city (compared to my present home) with ALOT of old memories. Alot has changed in 11 years but so many things are the same. So, first I went to see the new tachana. It is like a small mall. A small food court, decent bathroom. I wanted bagels, so I left the mall to go to "holy bagel". It was closed :(. I was sleeping at a friend, but I knew she wasn't home and was busy, so I had some time to kill. I love walking in Jerusalem, it is one of the things I miss about living there. I don't miss how pushy and in a hurry people can be though. I continued up rechov yaffo, toward the shuk. They built this big new wall across from the french hospital(?),right before the gas station, for the life of me I cannot remember what that part of the street used to look like. I past the shuk and the memories swarmed around me. I remember all the different shopping trips there, inlcuding my trip with my (then) chasan to buy household stuff. I remeber trips there as a single seminary girl being overwhelmed bot the many new sights and sounds. I remember being heavy with preganancy, living a long bus ride away from the shuk but still insisting on shopping there, for the experience. Shlepping home a big, overstuffed, back pack. And then as a young mother, baby in a backpack, going to my regular vedors and picking up my regular shuk items on thursday, for shabbos.
The menmories continued to flood my mind as I walked through this holy city, so dear to my heart.

Finally finished and posted this post, almost a year later (sep. 13, 05), after finding it unfinished. I planned it to be much longer, a whole walk through of my trip, but, I'll just post it as is.

Lactivism

2004-09-21T02:45:00.000+03:00

Read this

Included there is this very important line, lest someone accuse me of trying to make formula feeding mothers feel bad.

Some women choose to breastfeed for six months, some for two years, some for four or more, and some not at all. To each her own, I say. However, women in this country need to be given more information and more support.

Women need information, the real facts about breastfeeding, and then they need support in their decision.

Now you can take the quiz.

PSA: Malawach does not really work as crust for sweet potato pie

2004-09-15T02:50:00.000+03:00

I say not really because it is yummy. It just isn't right- its too flaky (duh), its not pie crust(ok, duh again), which I love, and it stuck to the pan. But it was easy, and fast, I didn't have to buy it, I had it in the freezer already, and since my kids decided they no longer like malawach (I love when they do that!...not) it was saving food from being wasted.
Going to put the sauce on the Hawaiian chicken.

Shana Tova

I am the unpopular kid

2004-09-13T02:02:00.000+03:00

Boo hoo.

I wasn't there heck, I wasn't even invited.

I feel like the unpopular kid in highschool.
Yeah, well. I know that not that many people read what I write, could be because its pretty boring.
I hate political stuff. My opinions don't mean much. I agree with some people, disagree with others, and I honestly have no opinion on some things. About some stuff I have more than one opinion.

Right, so now that that's addressed.

If the editors of Mishpacha are paying attention, I might as well get some other stuff off of my chest. The first that comes to mind is the Junior article about summer plans. Generally I really enjoy sharing the junior with my kids. If on Thursday I haven't bought it, my oldest runs out to get it on Friday. We enjoy it so much. Back to the summer article- it said something like "A summer in the country is something not to be missed". I couldn't read those words to my kids. They would look at me and ask "so why are we missing it?"
Uh, guys we live in ERETZ YISRAEL. THAT is truly something not to miss!
I wonder what they were thinking when they wrote that? That all of their readers are Americans, and they go to the country?
Yeah, minor, I know.

Oh, and thanks to the Mishpacha I decided that I really must have ADD. Isn't that funny?

Shana Tova. Chasiva Vichasima Tova and all that, to all of clal yisrael and all of the world!

PLEASE do not leave kids unattended in cars

2004-09-09T01:03:00.000+03:00

It is really dangerous. There are numerous examples of why this is a very, very bad idea. Nonetheless, this past week's Mishpacha, in an article on gans (nursery school) wrote,

In the United States, leaving young children in a car unattended is illegal.

. Uh, OK. What about unsafe? I just don't get why they say illegal as if that is the only reason not to do it. Apparently its not illegal in Israel so here it must be ok, according to them. Well, in reality leaving kids in a car unattended in dangerous. It is bad parenting and irresponsible in general. One of the dangers is that a child could release the brake and the car could roll into traffic, or even in a driveway, injure another child. THIS has happened! It is not an irrational fear.

I appreciate and enjoy the magazine, almost every week, and think it has many good points. I am not bashing it, as you can see in a previous post where I raved about an article. But the fact that the writer decided that leaving kids in cars was only worth pointing out because it is illegal in the states.

And I know, I've been neglecting this blog lately. But you do believe me when I say I have written so many posts in my head, when I'm away from the computer and when I do get a chance to sit down, I have completely forgotten everything?

If I am not back here before Rosh Hashanah, Chasiva vichasima tovah, may everyone's tefillos be answered.

Kol tuv.

Late night secret

2004-08-29T00:47:00.000+03:00

So, in a previous post I mentioned the thing I do at night for fun. It is playing the Sims. I haven't played for a few weeks because sometimes my computer goes really s l o w. I really like the game. It's weird because while you sit there feeding your Sims nutritious food, sending them to the bathroom and to take a bath, you are starving, need to pee and need a shower. I used to be really into Age of Empires, the killing part was not the cool part to me but the building up the civilazation. Sims is like that but on a really detailed level.
Yeah, ok, I'm a loser.
In other news, I'm sick, a yukky head cold, because of which I slept all shabbos.

Its Elul again.
I read somewhere that in the week before rosh hashana we can atone for the whole year, on yom rishon, for all the yom rishons, on yom sheni for all the yom shenis. That's a cool thought.

Gut voch.

How do you like your peaches at a voch nacht?

2004-08-17T11:26:00.000+03:00

I like hard peaches and nectarines, and plums for that matter. I like to cut them with a knife and eat them piece by piece(not the plums). My husband calls these unripe.

I don't really understand how a voch nacht in segments of the chassidishe world has become more important than the bris. As I understand it (hey, I could be wrong) a bris is a mitzva dearaysa and therefore the meal is a seudas mitzva. On the night before the bris there is a minhag for the father of the baby to learn all night in the house. How exactly did it go from that to being mekubal that women don't even go to the bris and only to the vach nacht. And that there has to be an elaborate (catered) meal at the v.n.? I understand (I think) basically how it happened. Father learning- chavrusa- food- other people stop by- women come with husbands- more food- big meal. But how did it become more important than the bris- a mitzva deoraysa?
Some things just leave me scratching my head.

You know you've been away from your blog for too long when

2004-08-04T02:33:00.000+03:00

you forget your username or password. Or at least that's how I know.
My computer is being a very bad boy! Very bad. Or maybe its something with my connection. Either way it's kept from doing a bunch of internet stuff for over a week.
Tish b'av was about as miserable as I thought it would be.
Its been pretty quiet around my actual house since seminary girls and yeshiva boys have gone home for the summer. But noisier on the streets because its vacation/ bein hazmanim. I could talk about specific stuff in my town, but that would blow my "cover". How anonymous do I really think I am anyway? anyone who knows me knows its me....

I had some other stuff I wanted to write, about burial in Israel, some books I read some Mishpacha articles, some relatives and some people I know. But it will all have to wait. My secret late night obsession has not been tended to yet, and I really should be sleeping....
Maybe tomorrow I'll talk about my secret late night activity.

Uh, and how could the spell checker for blogger not include the word "blog"??

Legos on the soles of my shoes

2004-07-26T01:22:00.000+03:00

The legos are actually on the floor. and it only bothers me to step on them with bare feet. I stepped on about 20 today. I guess that's my fault because I didn't pick them up- I probably stepped on the same one more than once. And I didn't insist the kids did it before they went to sleep.
My computer is acting up (again), being really slow. I think its all the viruses, parasites, what have you, that are on it. And we just wiped the hard drive last week. And installed windows XP. Ur, Goody.
Its the nine days. Its sad. I hate not having music, I guess that's the point. I despise fasting. It sucks. I get headaches I feel sick. I obsess about a nice cold drink of water. We're having spinach lasagne before the fast. Oh, in case people don't know what the heck I'm going on about tomorrow night is Tisha B'av
But its not all about me, and that is a big problem within klal yisrael today. People worry too much about themselves, we do not look at things and think of others first. I want to become more of a person who considers other people first. I want to have real ahavas chinam. The only way to do that, to work on it is to just Do it. I think.

Cheerio.

Ridiculous Breastophobia

2004-07-19T16:17:00.000+03:00

So, first I read this story about a woman told that she could not breastfeed in a museam where there were nude paintings and/or sculptures . Which any logically thinking person will realize is plain silly. Yeah, the paintings are "art" and the woman is feeding her hungry baby(and/or comforting her uncomfortable baby. It is really simple. She should not be resticted from doing so. Ecspecially in a place where there are already pictures of exposed breasts and people are going there to look at them.
Next I read this one which is more than silly, it is offensive. A restaurant hosts WET T-SHIRT CONTESTS, but a woman is not allowed to nurse her baby there. HOW in the world does that make sense? Like, on what planet? A restaurant is meant for people to EAT in, the baby is trying to eat! Instaed the only acknowledgment of breast is their crude sexualization.

I have to run now, the kids are up to trouble.

sidebar action!

2004-07-16T01:27:00.000+03:00

I added "links" on my blog. I only had time to add one actual link before the baby woke up. I guess after shabbos I'll do some more, including my fellow bloggers, especially Maidel and Frumdad who have links to me!

Kol Tuv and Gut Shabbos!

About that article

2004-07-15T15:32:00.000+03:00

in Mishpacha magazine, entitled "Who is Responsible for Those Sins"
It starts by the woman describing her clothes from years ago, a shirt with "no other half", she was wearing it the day she walked through Meah Shearim for the first time. There she stopped to listen outside the Toldos Ahron shul. As she stood there, a man approached her, an aged chassid who, while looking at the floor, said, "Could you please wait a moment? My wife will be here any minute?"
The article describes a girl who grew up on a kibbutz, married at 16 to a volunteer from South America. They lived on the kibbutz and then in Tel Aviv. Two years into their marriage her husband went back to SA for a visit and returned to Israel with the shocking news that he was not Jewish. The divorced a month later, Lee (the woman) in a deep depression and Enrique, her now ex-husband, in the throes of a serious identity crises.
Two years later Lee's psychologist told her to go to Jerusalem, buy some clothes, walk around. That is how she, a very secular and broken woman of 22 came to be standing in the street in Meah Shearim when someone's kindness changed her life. The man and his wife "adopted" Lee after that day, when they invited her in for tea and biscuits. On her second visit to the Rabbi and Rebetzin's house Lee asked why the Rabbi had approached her. The Rebbetzin answered that she saw Lee and said to her husband "Look at that girl! Soon there is going to be a riot here!" The rebbetzin could not run, because of her stiff leg, so that rabbi ran and asked the girl to wait for his wife. In the process of explaining to Lee why a riot could start simply because of her presence they tell another story, of a neighbors son, turned zionist who came to the neighborhood without a kippa. The rabbi brought him in and gave him a kippa.
Lee quotes the rebbetzin as sating "People come here because some spark has become kindled within them, and they feel an urge to relive the old days. If someone would, G-d forbid, who knows how many more sins they would commit, only to purposely spite and take revenge on the insult they suffered by the rebuke?"
Lee says "Who is responsible for those sins! They're not the only ones that's for sure."
"And whoever saw me then would never have imagined that I would one day look like this. Once I became a baalas teshuva many things became clear to me. Today I understand why the Rav ran after me in his slippers and brought me into his home so quickly. Even you, who knowmy background now, cannot fathom how broken I was inside. If someone would have yelled at me, he would have probably destroyed me forever."
She adds that we cannot judge another person, because we never know what is going on inside a person.

The article really brought home something I think about and deal with often- how to treat people who are acting "wrong". Especially when they have no clue that their actions could be problematic. Even when they are aware, we don't know how broken their spirit can be, how even if our words are gentle it could hurt them.

After the complete chaos of yesterday

2004-07-14T01:33:00.000+03:00

and a pretty busy day today I had severe "people overload" this evening.
I am discovering although I enjoy helping people and having them around, I really need alone time. I feel overloaded and overwhelmed. The house was getting messier and I felt almost helpless to change it. So tonight I closed the door and cleaned like crazy for the past two hours. One room looks decent now.
Soon I'll go to sleep and tomorrow it all starts again.

Some truths reinforced

2004-07-13T03:21:00.000+03:00

I had some things reinforced today, things that are truths to me.

Mental illness is really, really sad.

Sometimes it *is* necessary to involve the police. And no, I don't think breaking peoples legs is better and no, I don't think "Hey, it's all cool man"

*Someone* will disagree with you on basicly everything. (and this should not necessarily change your view, but you should hear the other person out, in many situations)

Always look before you leap.

I think I had more but I am wayy to tired to remember stuff right now.

Have a nice day, if you can manage it while being aware of all the pain in the world. Or maybe you're just one of those people that is completely unaware of the pain.

May the geula shlaima come soon.

Portrait of Erev Shabbos

2004-07-08T21:16:00.000+03:00

The grocery delivery boxes clog the walkway. Everyone who enters knows that putting away groceries, shlepping them to the kitchen, is one of my least favorite tasks. There is flour to be sifted, but I just returned from shopping, in a store with no air conditioning, on a ridiculously hot day. I sit down. Now I aware of the mess all around. The discarded clothing, from when the children, now in bed, got ready for their bath. Shoes, tzitzis kippas, socks and shirts strewn around like leaves falling from a tree. The blankets from the newly discovered game "playing going to sleep". There are dinner dishes still on the table. And dishes in the sink. And dishes on the counter. I have to bake. Did I buy all the ingredients? I'm sure I forgot something. At least sweet husband is washing dishes. There is chicken to cut and prepare. Laundry to fold- and put away. There are vegetables to be chopped, fish to make. All the cooking, where is the time? We will get through, just as we do every week. It will get done. One step at a time.

Gut Shabbos

So, that was a cool earthquake

2004-07-07T17:55:00.000+03:00

We had an earthquake a few minutes ago. It was like an invisible person gentle shook the computer table and the chair I was sitting in (and am again). It was neat and a little scary at the same time. My kids, in the kiddy pool on the dining room next to me, didn't notice a thing. (yeah swimming in the dining room is a whole nother topic.;))
I am currently pretty busy with two volunteer projects and I just finished reading When Rabbit Howls by The Troops for Truddi Chase That was one riveting and thought provoking book.

Must read article.

2004-06-25T13:43:00.000+03:00

In this week's Mishpacha magazine there is an article entitled "Who is Responsible for Those Sins" It is an excellent article. It brought me to tears (although admittedly, not THAT hard a thing for writing or movies to do).

I'll give you a chance to read it over shabbos before a comment further- make sure to make this article a priority.

Gut shabbos.

I don't believe it- customer service!

2004-06-22T10:29:00.000+03:00

I just had the strangest phone conversation! I can't believe what I heard. An Israeli, an employee of a government organization no less, just told me "you are the customer, you are right". It was longer than that, it was a misrad habriyut thing. I called because I got a notice from "tipat chalav" saying that I owe 170 shekel and claiming that I had received many notices about this and that now I have ten days to pay. (or else?) So I called to find out when they think I received all these other notices. It turns out that the local office in in charge of dispensing them and usually they give them by hand instead of mailing them. I guess they never gave them to me! I told the guy who I spoke to on the phone that I find that very unprofessional. (a word that I didn't know in Hebrew- he told me professional is "miktzoee" which now that I think about it I knew- I know that miktzoah is a profession). He told me I am 100% right. (my first surprise) I then told him that actually, I find that the way that tipat chalav office is run, on the whole, to be unprofessional. That is when he said the customer stuff, and told me that they want to know if there is a problem. Anyway, the conversation ended with him saying, in English, "Have a good day Ma'am" I am really shocked. As much as I wish Israel would learn about customer service I never expected to get it.....
That's a nice start to my day.

Sheitel vs.tichel

2004-06-09T21:40:00.000+03:00

Maidel, in response to my last entry, wrote

But I take issue with her statement that she has never seen a woman slip a tichel off her head. Perhaps in Israel she has never seen it, but look in every frum neighborhood in Brooklyn and Queens and you will see FFB women (some even with yichus) who are struggling with their yiddishkeit and their tichels are halfway back on their head, and it doesn't take much more for it to come off completely. It's in Kew Gardens, Flushing, Boro Park, Flatbush, and yes, even in Crown Heights.

I don't really understand how someone can "take issue" with what I stated has been my own personal experience. Maybe Maidel would like a little elaboration on my part- here it is- ( and in my next blog entry I will b'n try to not even mention sheitels- I hope)

The tshuva that I was commenting on said

As to your inquiry about the difference between covering one's hair with a sheitel and covering one's hair with a kerchief:

The difference is extremely simple. When the hair is covered with a kerchief and one meets a non-religious friend or acquaintance, then quite often the kerchief "slides up" or disappears altogether into the pocket.

This, of course, cannot be done with a sheitel. Ultimately, keeping the hair constantly covered becomes second nature.

There are a few statements and assertions that, based on my personal experience, I just do not see happening. That is to say, I see no proof provided by the Rebbe here of the inherent advantage of sheitelach over tichlach. The issue is referred to as "extremely simple"- if this were indeed the case there would not be such a broad range of halachicly based opinions on this topic- (not even counting the India/ avodah zara issue!). In my personal experience people that b'shita wear tichlach and davka not a sheitel are scrupulous to cover their hair. I am not saying that there are not women that b'davka wear sheitels who are not equally as scrupulous. There are *many*. There are many women who wear sheitels for tznius- they feel that it covers all their hair more efficiently and they are makpid that the sheitel conforms to the spirit of tznius as well. But this letter make it sounds like tichel wearers are flaky in their yiras shamayim and will toss off their tichel at the drop of a hat;) I have just never seen that. Women who b'shita wear tichels, for tznius reasons just don't do that. I am not referring to women who wear sheitels, falls, etc and on a shlumpy day throw on a snood or a bandana. These are the women whose hair shows in a cloth covering and also shows in a sheitel, indeed their sheitels are designed to integrate their own hair so that it looks more natural.
The women who Maidel refers to, whose headcovering slips off, eventually to slip off completely will just as soon take off a wig as they will another covering. And they definitely do not *b'shita* (for tznius reasons) not wear sheitels. I do not judge any of the aforementioned women. Each person has their own nisayon. Uncovering my hair in public was never mine, and I do not know how would act were I in their shoes. I just wish that there could be shalom and not always one group putting the other down. There are valid reasons for wearing a sheitel and they don't have to involve putting down women who don't wear them (and vice versa). I find it strange that this is *the* difference that *anyone* would see between wearing a sheitel and wearing a tichel- essentially that anyone who wears a tichel does not have a minimum amount of yiras shamayim. Again, I say "HUH?!"

Kol Tuv

HUH?

2004-06-09T11:08:00.000+03:00

After reading this Lubavitcher Rebbe's view on why a sheitel is different than a tichel I am just left going "huh?". REALLY? I have NEVER in my life seen a woman in a tichel take it off in public and put it in her pocket! The women that I know who wear tichels are highly tznius women... I think that comment is so odd, and dare I say ignorant. Maybe in that time it was true that sheitel wearers were more committed, but today that is certainly not the case. The two times I saw married women uncover their hair in public (both were in a car) they were wearing sheitels, not tichels. One was as a child, she was a friend's mother on the way off the derech. The second was a "frum" sheitel macher who was giving me a ride, at night, out of Brooklyn. She then walked from the car to the house with her hair uncovered. So in my experience the level of commitment of those that wear sheitel and those that wear tichels is exactly the opposite of the view stated by Chabad. :shrug:

Well, I got that off my chest.

We had a nice trip to Jerusalem for a few days. My kids rode an escalator for the first time in their memory. They enjoyed it. They were so cute, asking questions about how it worked. They also enjoyed the fountain, the glass elevator and the little rides at the mall. There is so much gashmeeyus out there! Yeah, I know what else do I expect to find in a mall? LOL! It was HOT outside, the mall has AC. It was nice to visit friends but I am glad to be home.

Speaking of my friends, one of them is discovering that American olim cannot really be charedi. A fact that I tried to convince my friends (who thought they were charedi whereas I always say that I cannot be charedi) of for years. "Charedi" is a label people use that describes a social construct. It means many things that have nothing to do with torah. My friend discovered that it means that her sheitel will go exactly to the point on her neck that her daughter's future principal said it will, that her skirts will be exactly 15cm below her knee and above her ankle. She discovered awhile ago that being American makes her "2nd pick" for things like chardei schools. This probably holds true for chardei shidduchim as well. One of the major attributes of charedi parents is the "busha"- embarrassment. They are forever embarrassed by their children- unless their children are perfect chareidim, of course. If their son works, goes to the army, etc. etc. I can't imagine myself having that busha. There is obviously hashgacha pratis in my life, my kids were given to me and I to them because Hashem has a plan, They are not little extentions of me. Hashem created them with their own tachlis and tikkun...

I could go on for awhile, but my son will be home soon and I'm still in Pjs so I will have to continue later.

more on the sheitel thing

2004-05-23T01:49:00.000+03:00

Are/ were the people that burned the 300 sheitels in williamsburg aware that the culmination of the hair offering is supposed to be *burning* it on the alter as an offering to the avodah zara? Were they sure that they were bad sheitels or did they just jump the gun? Do they feel dumb now?

In one article I read (too lazy to find the link) a lady was quoted as saying that the point of modesty was to "blend". I hated that quote. I disagree. We are not required to blend with the goyim - even in a sheitel, a woman in tznius clothing hardly blends in 100 degree weather in brooklyn. The same woman was also quoted as being glad she did not have to take the train to the city that day- yeah a hat or snood would be the strangest and most out of place site on a train in NYC. ha!

All in all it was a nice shabbos.
Now to clean up and get ready for shavuos.
Matan Torah! Not the first time we didn't "blend" with the goyim and by far not the last.
Shavua tov!

There are so many things I could and should be doing now

2004-05-20T23:00:00.000+03:00

Instead of any of them, having just got the baby (he is 2 1/2) to sleep, I sat down to start my blog! I don't really know what I'm doing but having found other frum women's blogs looking for information about the whole sheitel thing (I don't even own a sheitel!) I just decided to start a blog. Hah! So here I am.

There are so many things I still could be doing. Baking challah is unfortunately not one of them as once again I forgot to buy yeast. And it is after 12:00 am. Guess we are buying this week, again.

So the sheitel thing is facinating. As someone who doesn't wear a sheitel, my husband and some of my sheitel wearing friends might have viewed my interest at the breaking story as gloating- but I don't think so. It's puzzling though (and puzzles are so interesting) that I saw the issue first mentioned on the net on an email list from 1997 and this psak was issued now, so many years later.... One sheitel wearing friend told me how all these women who view walking outside in snoods and tichels like walking out in their pajamas and how much mesiras nefesh to go out in snoods when the psak came out. Yeah, I hear that. May it be a zchus for klal yisrael in these troubled times.
I am glad though that I never spent a few thousand dollars on someone else's hair only to have to get rid of it now. Instead every so often I spend 15- 75 shekel on a new tichel. And no I am not gloating.

There is alot to do for shabbos and we are having a fair amount of guests and all the usual craziness. So off I go now.
A gut shabbos to who ever reads this.